My Decision to get Bariatric surgery

I'm so proud to say I have finally made this decision to get bariatric surgery. I have been considering it for about 3 years now, but kept trying to do it "on my own". I also didn't think I could afford the surgery. My brother called me one day and told me he was getting Lap Band. I was so excited for him. He and I talked about how I should look into it. I admitted to him that I had secretly wanted it for years, but couldn't see how I could afford it. He urged me to at least make and appt. and see what insurance covers. So, I made that first appointment. Once there I found that I am not a good candidate for lap band. The doctor was afraid that based on all my diet attempts (and fails) that lab band may be like "just another diet" for me and that I would at best only loose 100lbs. She was afraid I would be very disapointed with the surgery. She urged me to look into Gastric Bypass or Gastric Sleeve. I felt embarrased at the appointment, but full of hope. I'm not quite ready to say that number that I weighed out loud, but it was bad. How did 30lbs sneak up on me out of no where? I knew I had been avoiding the scale, but didn't realize the kind of damage I could do in such a short amount of time. Who am I kidding though. I have literally always been fat. There was a short short time in middle school and some of highschool that I was smaller. I still was overweight, but I looked healthy. People don't realize that I was teetering with an eating disorder back then. I was barely eating to keep that size. When I found my boyfriend Adam (husband now) I got happy. Apparently happiness meant eating for me. I quickly put the weight on. Luckily, my husband loves me at any size and finds me attractive now and then. I'm blessed to have him as a husband. I really haven't known what it feels like to be a normal weight though. Even in Kindergarten I remember being teased about my size. As a child I had to shop in a special section at JCPenny's called "Pretty Plus" and Pretty Plus has now turned into shopping at Lane Bryant. The smallest size I ever remember being as a teenager was a size 10/12 (back in the starvation times) and now I'm easily wearing a 26 and a 26/28 in tops. Ugh. That is so shameful. I'm just praising God now that I am willing to finally take care of ME. To love ME. I need this.
After careful consideration, I have decided to get the Lapriscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy surgery. My insurance doesn't cover it and I have to finance the surgery. I feel guilty sometimes over spending that much money on myself, but it will save my life. The Sleeve surgery will remove about 80% of my stomach creating a sleeve/tube like stomach that is left over. By removing that part of my stomach the portion of the stomach that creates the hunger hormone is removed. So, I will be restricted on how much I can eat and I will not be hungry. I was told that I should be close to my goal weight in one year or 18 months. That is so exciting to me. I wonder if anyone will even recognize me! I can't wait to see what this next year holds.